The Newborn I've Never Held

When I first met my nephew, this is what he looked like. NICU Baby Photography

Tiny and sweet in my sister's arms.  Barely five pounds.  Couldn't eat on his own, couldn't stabilize his heart rate (due to bradychardia).  He was born at 34 weeks gestation... coincidentally, the same progression I'm currently at with this pregnancy.

I flew to Kentucky just after he was born and visited him in the NICU.  I took this photo through the thick paned glass because I was not allowed to go inside and visit him.  I held my own two babies up to the window and introduced them to their newest little friend.  Parker was thrilled to have another boy cousin on my side...finally!

I left a lot of kisses, smudges, and salty tears on that slab of window glass.  I wished desperately to hold him, to smell his sweet little head, to touch his soft skin and trace his hairline with my finger.  To welcome this new little boy to our family.  But we were separated by the window.  He had to stay in the NICU for several more weeks, long after I had to return home to Florida.  I didn't get to hold him.


The last time I saw him (last night), it was just past midnight and he had just turned ONE.  Alas, we were again separated by a window.  He was wearing my son's shark pajamas, and he was smiling again in his mama's arms.  Only he was a lot bigger.  He has come such a long way in a year!

Although I'm thankful for these "windows" through which I get to see him smile, hear him laugh, and watch him snuggle his mama... I can't wait for the day when no screen separates us.  I want to grab him up and give him all these hugs and kisses that I've been saving just for him, for the past year.

Happy 1st Birthday, "Baby Finn".  We love you to the moon and back, little man.  XOXO (and even more smudgy kisses through the window).